I felt trapped, lost and hopeless for so long that I wasn’t able to see how could I change or revert the situation. My vibration was low, and without energy, one can not create movement or any sort of synergy that could set in motion the wheels of change I desperately desire/need for my life. Somehow God and the Universe “heard” my silent, deep cry, and without even realize how, I was deviated from my route to spent one week out. I was invited to be part of an ecology training teaching group for European master students within the scope of my past academia job. The event was held on a small, active volcanic island in Europe, and all activities took place by the seashore at the base of the active volcano. The energy of that place resonated all over me, body and soul, and I found myself full of energy and so alive as I didn’t for years. The energy was so intense that I had hard time to sleep at night, when I was able to “feel” and “hear” the whispers and roar of Mother Earth. Fortunately, I was drawn towards a beautiful black obsidian on a local shop, which helped me to have restful nights and enjoyable days. I even caught myself smiling and laughing from the heart as I didn’t in many years. I felt receiving so good treats there, as if “someone” was taking care of everything for me. Even my vegan meals were provided so easily…
In one of these days, while meditating alone at the beach and watching the sunset after an intense working day, I felt tremendous life force energy emerging from inside of me. My heart was almost bursting in aliveness, as if there was a ready-to-erupt volcano inside of me. With tears falling off from my eyes, I remember to said aloud, out of a place of deep inner truth: “I wont ever again allow other people to rule my life… I wont ever again allow other people to rule my life… I wont ever again allow other people to rule my life…”. It sound so truthful and relieving… as if I was expressing my so long soul longing, as if I was able to be truth to my self after so many years, as if I was doing a promise to my self out of self-love… there, when/where only me and God, me and the Universe were present, no one else.
For years I was under spiritual/moral conditioning by the spiritual path I was following. It was drying me from inside out, and vanishing life out of my soul. I felt I was dying a little bit more every day, and I couldn’t even say or think anything against it, because that would be a “sin”, and then there would be “punishment” and/or “banishment”. It was my choice to be there anyway, but after a while of feeling aligned with the Truth, truth could only be found in some of the dogmas and teachings, not in the practical ways of life. But by that time I was already tied up by the beliefs and the rules, and every time I would try to shake off my self out of there, more and more, I entangled myself.
After such soul truth expression, I remember the FREEDOM I had always seek for and saw how imprisoned I was by then. I had allow “them” to still my freedom, my life, my soul. I wasn’t pinpointing at “anyone” in particular, because I knew I was the one allowing that situation. While recognizing it I felt the inner strength to raise again and to live for what I came here for… even though I didn’t knew exactly what that was at that time. That inner call for freedom was the turning point in my life that set in motion the wheels of change. By realizing that things needed to change as they were not working at all, I allowed God/Universe to answer my call. One year later, I was “freed up” from that unfulfilling, draining academia job, and I was “obligated” to quit that spiritual path that was “stealing” my life from me. God/Universe had other plans for me, and that is the path I am walking now with the help of my spiritual team that is helping me to align my self and my life with my highest potential and my soul purpose. And even though I cannot see where am I exactly going, I just know that I must keep going and the path will be revealed.
Last day there, I climbed to the top of the active volcano and I remember commenting to my walk mate: “Can you feel it? All the elements are dancing together, so alive…” – the fire, the water, the air and the earth, were all full of life playing with each other like they were dancing in harmony. That was how I felt them, and in that dance, my soul danced too… a dance of life that allowed me to recapture myself and my life again.
Surround by nature in such high energetic place, where the elements were themselves so alive, had profound effect on my soul and my life. I felt like being purified and energized at the same time, like I was under a nature reset. Mother Earth was there calling out for me and returning me back to life, so I could be Her helper on healing, caring and light up our World. Even now when I am feeling off or burned out, I hear Her whispers inside my heart: “Come on, my little F*, I have a mission for you…“, and soon I am back to “business” again.
Thank you to “All that is” for bringing me back to life! Thank you! Thank you!
P.S. – If you find yourself in a path that is stealing your freedom, your life, your soul, please step out no matter what “they” (master, religion, institution, guru, group) say. Honor your heart, follow your bliss, and celebrate life. Live out of love, not of out fear. If the path doesn’t make you smile and sing, its not your path. Keep going, ask for guidance and your path will be shown to you.
* Abbreviation of my spiritual-magical name